Aha.

So far, solitary’s working just right for me. Keep it up!

!Edit -
Perhaps this thang’s affecting me more than I thought it would. On the inside, at least. My English standard is diminishing at an extraordinarily sensational rate and I can’t seem to type proper English without having to pause, ponder and doubt. Holy!

But don’t worry… by the end of 2008 I swear I’ll be the proud owner of a spanking guitar and keyboard. And then if I get to 2009 I’ll make like a drummer and spend wads of kaching! on a sweet drumset. And then I don’t mind if I drop dead (or blind, whichever sees me as a more appealing grub) right then because I’d have became a godly multi-talented individual.

Y’know if I die I wanna be placed in a white (although i prefer black) coffin and it’d have to be filled with tea leaves that smell real nice and a guitar and keyboard and if possible a drumset squeezed in with me. Oh and not to forget my handphone as well. And a sketchbook. And pencil. AND MOST OF ALL A FRIGGIN’ 10MP^ CAMERA! I’m surprisingly easy to please, eh? Wonderful! I’ll add on when I think of more stuff that I want to be buried with.

!Edit x2

Suddenly I’m finding it harder and harder to type proper English out. Horrifyingly horrendous! However unpromising the future may look, I WILL ADOPT A POSITIVE ATTITUDE and assume that I’m merely going through a dramatic life-changing experience. Yes, a brilliant plan. I shall adhere to it. And now I know how feeling without emotions is like. Kinda nice, it keeps the hurty achy feelings away, but I can’t seem to feel anger for my friend who was on the receiving end of rude racist remarks, nor can I feel relatively happy when I eat a new brand of instant noodles. It’s odd. But when I go out tomorrow and laugh and all… I’d probably be able to ‘feel’ again. Darn.

~Sorrento

Am i really your friend?

I think, that based on the situation, no, i’m not your friend.

Ever since i came here, i’m having troubles sleeping, even with my trusty MP3 which has lured me to sleep so many times back when i was in SG (no, this has NOTHING to do with you). I was trying to sleep yesterday but my mind totally refuses to let me rest and got me thinking about friendship.

While walking home to the bus stop from school today i was thinking about that too.

It’s creepy, yes i know. Why, oh why do i keep thinking about this weird and random topic. I mean, of all the things to dwell upon, why this?

Maybe it’s because i yearn for friendship, i practically beg for it. Maybe it’s because i’m insecure. Maybe it’s because of my parents. Maybe my past. Maybe this, maybe that, who would ever know.

I like my friends. I love them. I am able to tell them things that i can’t tell my parents. I get along well with them. I like being with them.

Then comes along. This particularly big change of my life. I lost all my friends. I had to start over from scratch. No, it wasn’t easy, and even now, i still couldn’t fit in. I was bounced around when i first came here. Hanging around with people from different cliques. When they got bored of me, i had to move on. When i finally found a clique that shares the same interest as me, i still didn’t fit in. Why? I don’t know. Maybe it’s because people already knew others for a long time. That’s the bad thing. Since everyone already knew each other, no one really tries hard to understand the ‘new kid’. The ‘new kid’ is forced to be alone. Sometimes i really hate that.

I find that i’m ditched all – too – often. You aren’t putting me in your heart at all. You’re just like the others, not trying to understand me at all. I’m the ‘new kid’ that no one wants, and you don’t want me either. Why? Maybe just because i have a weird accent. Maybe i’m just not likable. Maybe i have an attitude. You go along with the rest of the clique and ditch me there. Am i really that detestable?

I fear changes. I don’t like them. Ever since i stepped foot in Canada, i always wanted to go back. It’s this dark little hole in my heart, see. The dark little hole that doesn’t become smaller nor bigger. It just stays there. Over time, it might heal, but there always remain a scar. Always. But who’s going to help me heal the little hole? You aren’t helping. So it’s just going to stay there. Always, just like that. Or maybe you want to tear the hole up, destroy my heart? Yes, that could be the case.

I always hold my friends in the highest regards. I used to believe that if i have friends, everything is okay. But no, not now, now, nothing is okay. I can’t ever tell my parents stuff. I’ve tried, but failed. Believe me. I aren’t close to them at all. Dad’s a cold bastard, and Mom was missing for half my life. I lived in fear of Dad, and before, i yearned for Mom. Even though now that Mom’s back, i don’t find it anymore easier to talk to her. Maybe it was because of the long times i spent apart from her, or something… I just don’t know. Whenever i try to talk to Mom, she ends up saying something about my mentality. About how i kept seeing things in a negative light. Why can’t she see that she and Dad are the ones who made me this way? They were the ones who moved me away. Before, i used to talk to them about whatever happened in school, or just random stuff. I used to watch TV with them. Now, all i see of them are during when we’re eating, and i hardly talk. I’m usually the first one to finish my dinner, and then i’m off to my room. I really want to make up, i really want someone to understand me. But at the same time, i’m afraid. I’m afraid of any more disappointments from my parents.

I always wonder why do people led such good life. I wanted a life like that too. I don’t want to be living such a life. I want to stop crying in a corner alone every time i’m sad.

Friendship is a really complex thing.

No matter how hard i try to keep in touch, they just keep slipping by. No matter how much i hold them dear in my hearts, if they don’t hold me dear, then they’ll just forget me. I’m just making a useless struggle here, trying to hold my old life afloat. I know that people, sooner or later, will forget about me. I know it’s useless to even try, but i want to keep it up. I don’t want them to forget about me. I don’t just want to be stuck with you. I want them. But then again, if they don’t try hard to remember me, they’ll forget about me too. I know that i’ll always hold them dear, after all, my past is what’s most important to me now, but i also know that i can’t make them hold me dear. Even if they forget about me, i won’t forget about them. But, being the selfish shit that i am, i don’t want them to forget about me.

You. Always, always, going of with the rest of the clique, and ditching me. Whatever did i do to you? Really, what am i to you?

You know, Mom and Dad, i really hate them. I really don’t understand why they’d want to kill me from inside out. Fry me. I don’t know, but sometimes i feel that they’re so much closer to Brother than they are to me. They give in to him, they don’t to me. Brother’s young, so he gets whatever he wants. I don’t think i ask for much, but i still don’t get what i want.

Sorrento, you know, i used to envy you. Back when we’re still in PTPS, back in the days where i used to go to your house almost every single day. Whenever i walked home, i would think to myself how great it would be to have a family like yours.

But i know, nothing could change. Not this either.

Why didn’t my parents tell me of their decision?

Why didn’t they ask me of my opinions?

All those are just something that i ponder upon. And never getting an answer.

~Krissified

G’bye. I won’t miss you.

So. I’ve said my piece, I’ve made you despise me to the highest heavens. Well this is all to be expected, seeing that you ain’t on my side no more. Fine. Not on my side, eh? Flamed you, said things that I never should have. I ain’t surprised if you spring the big one on me later in the day. Or maybe even the next minute. Doesn’t matter anyway. I’ve got hurt countless times (no thanks to you!) resulting in a cold heart. I’m sad almost every night, but when I wake up it gets all better. Who cares if you’re not by my side anymore, who cares, really.

You’d rather side your friend than side me, at least I know where your royalties lie. And with that, I wave my white flag and surrender. Since my prominence in your life is much dimmer than your friend’s, fine. I know where I stand now. And I rather be on someone else’s side than be on yours, if that’s the case. Y’know, when you said ‘I hate you’, I didn’t feel a thang. So now. I’m going all out to verbally assault you. Since I know you ain’t gonna make things up (hey, you never do anyway!), mightaswell make sure it goes out with a bang, eh? I wish your death from my life’d come soon. ;) Asshole. Ima delete your contacts soon. Get you out of my life fo’shure this time. You’d never change your philanderer-istic ways anyway, cunt. I hope you screw up in Japan, I hope you screw up for the rest of your life. Regards~!

Re-updated @ night -

I’ll show you, no scratch that. I’ll show the world I can hold out much better, I’ll leave you pining. Oh wait, how could I forget! You have your fantastical best friend who can do stuff that I can’t! You can tell that best friend of yours stuff you can’t tell me! Woah, since you regard her as your goddess, go get her laid already. I’m being offensive because I’m real hurt and I won’t let you walk all over me and trample on my emotions anymore. What do you expect? I kowtow to you and submit to your every word? Going ”Yeah, I’m wrong. I’m sorry”. Believe me, I’ve tried that so many times, you just stormed away in anger or whatever, probably to your goddess. I refuse to play second fiddle to anyone. So I’ll show you what fun I can have without your presence around in my head, I’ll show you I can eat my noodles without choking and I’ll show you that I won’t get myself killed in some freak accident because I’m so horribly distorted on the inside although I’m laughing like heck on the outside. I’ll keep telling myself that. Even though I nearly got knocked down on the roads of Orchard by some cheapskate Honda or whatever, (hafta thank my friend for dragging me to safety and some random passer-by <_< ) even though I slipped and fell (not out of carelessness, didn’t trip over my own feet either, mind you!). Although the heavens seem to be cursing me… HAH I won’t go down that easily! Just you watch me, I’ll get my guitar and make like a rock star. And show that I’M PERFECTLY FINE AND 100% SANE WITHOUT YOU AROUND! Effing philanderer. You hate me and my guts and my mentality and everything ’bout me now, don’tcha. You despise me for flaming your wonderful goddess. So go on! Tell the world, how awful I am. Give your own warped side of the story! I’ll learn how to live life without you, I’ll pretend you never existed. But as they say… forgetting someone is as good as remembering someone you’ve never met. Or something alone those lines. I’ll do the extraordinary though, I know I’m capable. Y’know, I’d type a wall of text about what I hate about you, and your flaws. I don’t deny the fact that I ain’t a saint. I’ve done my fair share of hurting and sins. I tried to make it right after I sinned, but you refuse to listen! So what can I say. If you don’t put in effort, I don’t see why I should anymore. Face it, things ain’t gonna change if you refuse to change yourself. I’ve done my part. Have you done yours? No. You remained stubborn, unyielding. That’s where you’ve went wrong. You never learn. You neglect me for your fantastic goddess.

Thus my hostile attitude now. Like I’ve said many times… if you want it to be this way, fine. I’ve waved the white flag though it hurts like nuts inside. Even when I laugh I feel achy on the inside! So yeah… ”you don’t know me, you don’t even care”. – quoted from Boston – Augustana. I’d extract many more lyrics that depict how I feel now, but I won’t. My effort goes by unnoticed. I’m sorry for making you cry for quite a few nights, I’m sorry I cried for you. Much more than you did over me! Imagine that, pfft! (There goes my pride and ego, darn!) I don’t want to have anything to do with songs for the moment, they depress me even more. And I don’t particularly take pleasure in being in a state like this either, it’s a far cry from my air-headed behaviour. Did you know… you changed so much. From the way you used to be back then. I respected you.

But now I don’t know anymore. You’ve changed into someone so alien, so scary, so stranger-like. To the extent that I feel so effing distant even though I try to make it seem like we just chatted yesterday, as well as the many yesterdays before. My faith has always been steadfast, but this time… I shall not give myself false hope anymore. I feel like as if I’ve the weight of the world dragging my heart down, even when I laugh. But I’m sure it’ll all be okay in time. I will get over this, even before you know it.

… I admit I’m more crushed than I thought I’d be. Tragic!

~Sorrento

What’s it in tomorrow that makes living through today worth it?

With time, people change. With change… usually nothing good comes with it. Then again that’s just my pessimistic thinking. ”It ain’t you, it’s me”. Darn right it is, you’ve bloody changed for the worse! So I’ll be more positive, I’ll be more upbeat, and you take it as me faking it through. What the hell, I’m starting to think that my efforts to change’s going unappreciated. You don’t understand me, you don’t try to and then you just leave and then throw your hands up in the air going, ”I give up. G’bye, was nice knowing you”, among other sugar-coated shit. I’ve shouldered enough blame, I’ve fended off much enough hurt and disappointment, went through enough self-denial and painted enough of my world black. I shoulda known better, I really shoulda.

So yeah. I’m tired of this shit, the inevitable’s approaching me like a rattlesnake. It’s like being strapped under a guillotine, knowing it’s gonna fall anytime. The anticipation has killed my insides and numbed my heart for the time being. But pain-killers don’t work forever, ya? It all links back to self-denial somehow, damn. I blatantly refuse to feel for you anymore, let alone myself. I’ve a compulsive urge to do real bad stuff to you, but I won’t. I pray someone else does, although I’d have really liked to be that person. Grab a knife and stick it up your ass. End your bloody misery. I’ve had enough, I really don’t want to play this game of badminton on my own anymore. One sided games.

My life’s great, my friends are nothing short of fantastic. So why the hell did you have to come along and fuck everything up huh? So why the hell can’t you emphasize with how I feel? …And most of all, why was I so bloody pig-headed and thick in the head as to spread a red carpet for you to ruin my life back then? The stars were against us, you refused to sort stuff out. Fine, I give up. I tried countless times to make it all okay, but you shunned my efforts. I let go of this matter, but my mind’s still attached.

Hopefully, with time comes healing, with time comes wisdom and most of all, with time comes your timely death from my life, but not from others’. Selfish of me to think like this, I know. But I hafta let it out somewhere before I’m driven to the edge of insanity.

\end of emo post.
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I’M NOT USUALLY LIKE THIS, MIND YOU! I AM A JOVIAL PERSON!

~Sorrento

Caterpillars

I have a weird… I don’t know, maybe fetish? Well. I have a weird fetish for cute, squishy, and furry stuff – no matter what they are. Like… There’s this… Um. Caterpillar that widely populates Canada. And… AND THEY’RE SMALL, SQUISHY, AND FURRY. 8D

LIKE THIS KIND: http://www.flickr.com/photos/ctardie/524398641/ JUST MINUS THE COLORS… And stuff. The one i saw are brown… :D SO CUTE!

I saw this whole nest of caterpillars hanging on the tree, and some of the caterpillars were on the road… There was one that looked dead, so i poked it and it MOVED! And i’m like soooo fuzzy and squishy. *instant love* And i picked it up, haha. AND SQUISHED IT. 8D SO SQUISHY. Ahhh cuteeee!

Haha lol.

And i really need a DS. Just for a few days. And people don’t wanna lend me. T_T It just shows how unwelcome i am.

I really wish i could go back to SG. Really really do. T_T

Today during the Asian Heritage Month show, they showed the pictures of the Sichuan Earthquake. IT WAS SO HORRIBLE, OKAY? …:| So many people died and stuff. Mom and dad’s gonna donate some money… But so far, they haven’t yet. Lol.

P.S. Sorrento, do a duet with me! D< AND START POSTING!

~Krissified

Hello.

I’m just writing this to say welcome to a new blog made just for fun. Alright, maybe not ‘just for fun’. I mean, i’m pretty sure that everything happens because of a reason. Whatever that reason might be…

And we created this blog because we wanted to record our daily life, and after, we’ll look back and read this blog and have a good laugh. Heh. ♥

Also, this is a way to keep in touch with each other. Because of various reasons~

P.S. Sorrento, update your profile page, browse around and look around okay? Also, decide on a theme for the blog. I kind of like this one. But i’m not sure how you’d like it… Because of the colors, yeahhh. :X

~Krissified