Failures of the Future

-hugs-

I hope you don’t take my… previous post as a.. what’s that word again? Incentive to not voice out your feelings and stuff over here and all.

Glad that you didn’t adopt this negative mindset, hell glad. ^-^

And yeah, I know what you mean when you say that you doubt your friend’s identities online. Mebbe you’d like to think of it as a deviation from their normal self or something, but however deviated there’s still an essence of themsel- AH NEVERMIND <_<

So like I was trying to say! You hafta accept the fact that people may not necessarily be who they’re online, not everyone’s the online persona that you think they’re what… Believe me, I’ve met many and even know of a coupla, truth to be said, many people who’re like that. I myself, am one at times.

Guess I’ve changed. Contrary to popular belief, I do not speak that ‘good’ english in RL. I’m more of the easy going kind, preferring to prattle in Singlish, with deliberate grammar/pronunciation errors/deviations. Mebbe I speak from the soul or something when I type online, but then again that’s pretty silly. Honestly, when did I let down my fortress of thorns anyway.

And about your mum thing… Hey at least you can get by a day without squabbling with her, maybe you can even smile at her and get a smile in return, right? -squeeze- Don’t be so introverted, I can understand about you and your mother’s relationship. At least I’d like to think so. Since misery loves company… LOL isn’t it much worse if you don’t even bother contemplating approaching your mother about your problems? It’s the effort that counts, you tried, but you couldn’t bring yourself to. I never did try because I’m an egoistic bitch and I’d excuse myself by claiming that ‘oh i can’t haha you know its so taboo and awkward and all’, when deep inside I know that ain’t the reason.

Well… I could say I’m the flip side of you. Unlike you, I wouldn’t want to seek solace from people around me in RL. That’s just me, the egoistic, pride-loving, doubtful, cynical, skeptical side of me. I don’t know about you, but perhaps I may just be taking things for granted. Ironic isn’t it, over there you wish you had someone to talk to, to play the role of a listener, but over here I probably have one or two whom I can tell my ‘troubles’ to but I simply refuse to. Unappreciative, ungrateful, spoilt and constantly taking stuff for granted. Meh. Mebbe all this would change when I learn to trust and have faith.

”Because, geeh, i’m not you, i suppose i’m even weaker than you”, what’s with that statement? You’d like to think I’m strong, I’d even more like to think I’m strong, but in actual fact I’m just better at self-deluding and mindfucking myself. I play mind games with many, so why can I not play mindgames with myself. Twisted and warped it may be, it does help me at times but hell doing what I do would be downright retarded so yeah, I’m not a very good influence.

And \patpat, you ain’t alone. I used to expel salty liquid from my visual cavities almost every night, silently in bed, due to a certain unfortunate event that wasn’t that bombastic at all, perhaps I felt the need to expel salty liquid from my visual cavities because I hadn’t experienced anything like that before. But hey that’s the past, innit. Hey, at least your mother BOTHERED to step in and spend a few seconds of a life and her saliva to ask if you were fine. She cares, you might not see her as your pillar of strength, but the fact that she cares about you, I’m sure, is reassuringly more than enough.

I expel salty liquid from my visual cavities, and I sleep on the same bed as my parentals at night, and no one [during these 2 years or so] asked me if I was fine. Perhaps your mother had her reasons for leaving your side… Don’t overlook the pigeons by your feet. Like I’d like to say, no one looks through the same pair of eyes as you do. Perhaps I never did mind because I didn’t want any attention when I felt down, I could cure my unhappiness right back to health after expelling salty liquid from my visual cavities.

We all have our ways of dealing with stuff, don’t fret and feel down, yeah? And KX don’t hate… appreciate. I tried to hate, I wanted to hate so badly because I thought by doing that, I’d be able to pull myself through but meh, I never did get around to doing so I guess. I can’t bring myself to hate, I never hated someone for over a day. Yeah probably intense hate out of a dash of anger, but it dissipates pretty fast.

And about you having no goals? Yeah I get that pretty often too. I have my ambitious goals, I do, but I kinda think they’re too unrealistic and far-fetched, and they’d probably ridicule me if I were to get around to telling them. So I let them ‘mock’, although I know they’re lecturing me for my best interests. Let’s just say I’m extremely introverted when it comes to family.

You know summat KX?

I think all you need… is just a little lovin’.

Gotta love yourself before others can love you.

~Sorrento