Hysterically disappointed

Sigh, like the title says. I’m hysterically disappointed. With who, you might ask? Those friends of yours again? Nuh, with myself.

I have ALWAYS, always counted on myself to do well for my English orals, ALWAYS. I’d never get jittery and let my nervous-ishness get to me and still my tongue but this time round…

IT WAS AN ABSOLUTE FRICKIN WALKING DISASTER

God…

So I was so nervous (I HAVE NO IDEA WHY MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE HE WAS CAUCASIAN) I kinda started displaying ADHD behaviour and was all over the place. The passage was an absolute failure, I read in monotone, and stumbled over SIMPLE words like ‘familiarity’. I mean WDF while I was preparing myself I even read it aloud so I wouldn’t screw up later. Like, ‘FER-MEE-LARE-REE-TEE’. AND THEN I TOTALLY IGNORED THE PRESENCE OF SOME WORDS THAT WERE PRESENT ON THE PASSAGE LOL WDF.

During the picture discussion thingy, I… argh. I COULDN’T DAMN TELL WHAT THE FUDGE THE PICTURE WAS DEPICTING EVEN THOUGH I SAW THE PICTURE QUITE SOME TIME BEFORE THE DAMN ORAL! I was like ”HUH IS THIS A CANTEEN AT A PRIMARY SCHOOL OR SOMETHING? IF ITS A CANTEEN WHY GOT SO MANY AUNTIES ONE, SOME MORE LOOK SO 1940′S!”. So I got real confused and all and blabbed that it was a scene at a canteen and later insisted that it was a foodcourt. -_- I STARTED EXPLAINING THE PICTURE AND THAT STUPID ANGMOR INVIGILATOR GUY STOPPED ME AFTER LIKE 2 SENTENCES AND POINTED HIS SILLY PEN AT SOME WITHERING OLD HAG and went ”what do you think she’s doing?” so I replied in a sentence and was gonna continue with my other five and then he…

STOPPED ME AGAIN AND PROCEEDED TO DIRECT MY ATTENTION TO ANOTHER HAG. I mean, WDF? WHAT IS WITH YOU DO I LOOK LIKE I NEED HELP? JUST LET ME EXPLAIN I’LL GET TO HER SOON ARGH!!!!! Even Solastri (sp?) was WAAAAAAAY better lor, she let me say my fill. This one LEH? DIRECT HERE DIRECT THERE PEOPLE HAVEN’T SAY FINISH DIAM DIAM AND LISTEN CAN. Not like I’m reading Harry Potter aloud or something, I JUST SAID ONE SENTENCE AND YOUR FINE WITH THAT? That’s hoppin’ insane!

So naturally I got quite… side-tracked because I couldn’t believe what was happening. Side-tracked = I disoriented and confused and lost = major screw up. We began the conversation part and he was like ”SO, WHAT FOOD DO YOU LIKE TO EAT?” and food is like my FAVOURITE topic so I started ”Oh, I love Long John Silvers-” and got interrupted again. IRRITATING LEH I WAS GONNA TELL HIM HOW I LIKED FRIED HOKKIEN PRAWN MEE, SPAGHETTI, PEPPER LUNCH, LAKSA, TOMYAM, AND THE OCCASIONAL SAKAE SUSHI. I mean wdf if he WANTED to have a nice lovely proper conversation with me about food, hell I’d be more than willing to participate.

HE WAS LIKE ‘OH SO YOU LIKE LONG JOHN SILVERS! FISH AND CHIPS EH? SO WHAT DO YOU USUALLY ORDER THERE?”. I was so turned off by his abruptness and he wasn’t making me feel less nervous. In fact, he was ADDING to the jitters. I hate it when people cut me short when I’m not even near half done. So I gave stale answers that lacked any ‘interesting’-ishness to it with an extremely broken use of English. I mean, in a proper oral with proper Singaporean invigilators, I’d be like yapping my mouth off because I’m real comfortable with them. But hell… I was like ”Ya cos i very picky about, uh i mean when it comes to food one ma, so i like you know dont like to eat the veggies one lor, since they taste so awful no matter how you cook it lah”. GOOOOOOOOD!!!!

Seriously, I think it’s because of my influences. My little clique of 3 including me are mostly chinese-users, with the exception of myself. I can’t be like Englishing all the way right, so naturally I switch to my ‘deliberate-twittified-singlish’ mode. Thus I NEVER use good english, and when it comes to using good english I go all stuttery. Damn, I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

And when my colleagues were done with their orals, they came down with big grins on their faces, expectantly asking, ”YOU CONFIRM DO WELL FOR THE ORAL ONE RIGHT!!!!!!!!”.

:(

I’ve don’t have an inkling as to why the hell they think that way. I mean, he was so intimidating even though he was friendly and all, I’ve no idea why. I rather have someone real strict like Solastri come be the oral examiners. She seems real mean and all, but HELL SHE’S DAMN NICE when you have her as your oral examiner. More than regular smiles, grins and laughs. Makes you feel right at home. Helps quite a hell lot that she’s Singaporean and looks like one too.

I feel so awful that I came lugging home a heavy heart. Normally I’d be like ”AIYA JUST AN ORAL WHAT’S DONE IS DONE WHAT!”, but this time… I don’t know, it’s just an absolute walking disaster. If I don’t wake up my idea and speak good english in RL, seriously my future’s gonna be pitch black. It’s murky right now, if you were wondering.

And right til now I still have that ‘oh damn that sucked’ feeling lingering in my heart. I feel awfully down… Wish I could go stuff myself into a vending machine.

P.S

Regarding the sketchbook thing, we could like each doodle abit in it til it’s finished. And then we’ll wrap it in many many many many many layers of plastic and make something like a time capsule. I dunno LOL ._.

But if you insist on having someone keep it instead, I think you’d be the one better off keeping it. Whatever goes into my hands never comes back out, and even if it does it’d come back out in an awful condition. And I’m extremely prone to losing stuff, especially important ones, soooo….

Yeah.

And shure we could make the song ‘End of our Forever’ together, I don’t mind ^-^.

~Sorrento